I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
