i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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