You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
