u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
