she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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