high people should be assigned attendants
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
