Who did Billy Mays play for?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
