Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
