I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
