ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
