i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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