yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
