I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
