Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
