I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
