I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
