Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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