Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
