Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
tell me about the eggs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
