It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
