Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She told me I should be a condom model.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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