I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
