There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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