My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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