At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
