There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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