I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
