my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
4 words: hood of his car
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
