Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
