You made me cry and you don't even care
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
