I heard we made out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my poor anus
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
