sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
