I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
