cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
