I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
