Bisexual people are plain selfish.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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