Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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