He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
