His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
