Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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