what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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