Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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