and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
