i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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