i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Terrible idea I love it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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