Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
