Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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