no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
