So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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