Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
