Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
