How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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