hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
