Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
