There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
